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When Kerrie Rose Walton was born her parents were already juggling very successful careers and raising three children. They were incredibly busy, and Kerrie will always say she deserved more attention from her parents. She was the youngest of the children, the baby, and always wailed for more affection than her older siblings. But acting out didn't gain the attention she wanted from her parents, who were sticklers for manners and hard work. As a result, as she grew up with a growing sense of animosity toward her parents, in particular her mother. While her father would sit back or avoid the subject when Kerrie was upset, her mother would stand her ground or respond with a professional attitude. Her mother also had a very obvious favorite child, in her firstborn son Kameron. Deep down Kerrie felt an ache that she wasn't as important as her brothers and sister. It made her furious, but also write in her diary and cry. This exaggerated feeling of emotional neglect and need for attention would end up shaping the rest of her life.
In school Kerrie was an average student, mainly because she was so social. She made friends quickly, and would rather pass notes or talk during class than read from a textbook. She never had much patience, either. In middle school she saw four boys in her grade perform in a band for the school talent show. Afterward she told them she should be their lead singer because the guitar player's voice sounded like a girl's anyway, and she was a better singer. The guys laughed and the guitar player said to cut it out, but a month later Kerrie was the lead singer of the band "But Wait, There's More." The band name changed a few times, and they occasional broke up or had to find a new member. But they practiced, and were slightly less awful every time they played. Kerrie, the most ambitious and creative of the group, decided they needed to play more than covers. She would scribble her feelings onto paper as she made up songs on an electric keyboard in her room. Kerrie found out that when she would sing her own words into a mic at a party or performance, she truly felt heard.
At the start of her senior year, Kerrie made an announcement to her parents that she would be leaving for Los Angeles as soon as she graduated from high school. They nodded, and said there were several terrific colleges in that area, and she laughed. She wasn't going there for college. She was done being bossed around by teachers and her parents. She would be eighteen, and could do whatever she wanted. And Kerrie didn't want to impress her parents anyway. She got more attention when she didn't do what they wanted. And they were so stuck on the idea she would be attending college before any career, the smart choice like Kameron had made, they had never asked why she didn't want to go. The reason, of course, was to become the next big thing in music. She didn't want to delay the start.
Moving to California so often represents the proverbial American dream. Out west is freedom, jobs, and sunshine. Though many move to New York to 'make it,' she wanted to get away. The idea of Los Angeles was so alluring: a quick music career and fun in the sun, making her own rules. Before she graduated Kerrie had packed her bags, and shortly after tossing her graduation cap in the air she flew to LA. She had only a vague plan of what she would do once she got there. A friend's sister's address, to crash on their couch for a few nights. Someone from her band knew a guy who worked at a restaurant. She had saved nine hundred bucks to buy a car. She hadn't anticipated that with that money she could only afford a terrible car, and she definitely didn't plan on sleeping in that car for a few nights. She did manage to smile her way into a job as a hostess at a restaurant/bar, and a waitress willing to let her into a roommate situation. It might sound odd, but this kind of struggle wasn't terrifying to Kerrie. Flying by the seat of her pants and fending for herself in a new place was exactly what she wanted. But even more so, she wanted adventure.
She found adventure quickly. Rather, adventure walked in wearing a black t-shirt, called her babe, and ordered them each a shot of tequila even though she wasn't supposed to drink on the job. She took the shot, and after last call went home with him. He was a club promoter, and was friends with the greatest lushes of LA. Kerrie visited his club the next night, and it was an incredible place. A high priced location where VIPs ordered bottle service and everyone was beautiful. Actually, everything about life was beautiful when she was there. The sound of the DJ, men buying her drinks, telling them she was an aspiring musician. It seemed they were all connected to the music industry, too. Later, most of those connections and promises turned out to be a lie, but it still worked to get her to go home with them. Lately the popular drug was molly, that it was fun and everyone was on it at concerts and parties. She quit her job as a hostess and began working for a dealer of the drug, getting people to try it and then providing their supply when they would want to buy. It didn't feel like work, really, just helping everybody out. Besides, Kerrie made friends fast when everyone was laughing and each night was a party. A bump of coke here or there, drinking high priced liquor that tasted like fire. Her lifestyle was wild. But it was what she'd wanted, the literal sex, drugs, and rock and roll. Well, maybe she only wanted the rock and roll part originally. And to be honest it was exhausting, and dangerous. But she had fallen in love, and that made it all worthwhile. Kerrie had gradually been charmed by the dealer she worked for, sensed their relationship was more than fucking and drugs, and fell head over heels. She thought he felt the same, until she walked in on him with another girl. A fight ensued, because he had no idea she thought they were exclusive. Their relationship was purely selling and sex, no strings attached. Then he, of all people, said he wouldn't want to be with Kerrie anyway, because she was 'a mess.'
That's when it all started to crash around her. It seemed someone had turned on the lights, and Kerrie could see things for what they really were. She was looking everywhere for attention and love. She was selling drugs, there was no way to gloss it over anymore. Her crowd spend their nights out escaping reality so they could forget the day before. She'd forgotten why she came to LA in the first place: to become a musician. Kerrie decided to start fresh. It wasn't easy, but she found a job selling designer jeans and spent her free time writing everything she could about her time so far in LA. The highs and lows, regrets, the freedom and the pain. Raw feelings about her life went into her songs, pounded out on a keyboard. They were extremely honest, and at a certain point it felt right to record what she had. She made CDs and brought them everywhere. She mailed them to every address she could find associated with a record label, large or small. Kerrie attended open mic nights and talent showcases when she previously would have spent the night getting completely wasted one way or another. But somehow reflecting on that internal struggle was what gave her the chance to record a few of her songs with a label. It was a conditional contract, but the slow but steady growth in popularity for her first single surprised everyone involved. It took time, but gradually Habits (Stay High) was a hit. She released her first EP under the name Kerrie Rose, and set to work on her first album. She had countless feelings to write about, and it came quickly. Suddenly she was where she had wanted all along. Yes, she'd taken many, many steps in the wrong direction. But perhaps only by taking that road was Kerrie able to discover self-awareness, to write songs for herself that showed true depth.
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